How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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