Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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