You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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