apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
