I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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