This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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