Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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