Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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