it's not cheating when I paid for it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
