quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
