she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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