She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
