His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
