toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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