i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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