did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
