He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
