You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You can't special order awesome
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
