I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
