I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize