4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So squirting runs in the family.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize