Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
