You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
