I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
