I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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