I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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