My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
