yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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