I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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