I am puke
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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