"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
