just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
