It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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