what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
