Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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