We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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