An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
