I need help removing her.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
