yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize