so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
