If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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