He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
