Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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