cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
