bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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