Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I supernannyed him into submission
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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