he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she looked like the before picture.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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