We're facebook friends in real life
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
