The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
