I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
