Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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