No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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