I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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