I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So much rum. So many feels.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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