I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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