she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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