You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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