Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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