I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
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you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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