how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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