In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
