fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
