he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
