Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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