I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
