Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
