I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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