Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
