do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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